Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
