i permit you to call me
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
