U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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