She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
