I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
