My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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