I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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