Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
