It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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