Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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