i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Randomize
