Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Randomize
