he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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