This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
