Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
