He disabled his match.com account in front of me
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
