Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
