There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
