I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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