im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I think my vagina is haunted
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
