I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Randomize
