Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Randomize
