No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
