Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
