I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Mom said you looked used
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Randomize
