Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Randomize
