Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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