i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
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