My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
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I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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