its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
