So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
