I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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