I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
