that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
