I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
