OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
