went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
