All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I booty called her while she was in labor.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
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