When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
