I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
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The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize