Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
