meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
