Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
