I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
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