He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Randomize
