So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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