I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
