so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
