I love black thongs
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
