Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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