Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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