i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
