my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
