the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
