when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Randomize
