Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I just gargled with NyQuil
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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