ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
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