Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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