Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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