Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
