i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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