I just threw up on my dentist
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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