actually, I'm a sock model
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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