you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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